Two days into eLearning and I have yet to learn anything, or do anything productive. FML -.-

Fever fever go away. Come again another day. Don't you fucking dare come back.

I realised today that maybe being an editor-in-chief for some fashion magazine may just be as fun as teaching :D (dang I hate it when I prove others right :X)

Jordin Sparks' latest song Battlefield is like...wow. Somehow it resonates with a lot of the facs' nightmare nowadays. Which is kind of spooky actually. All that talk about being positive and think about other things apart from what we may become in the future, it just seems to disintegrate in front of all that they say, what they dream and stuff.

Wish I could take their place, really. It sucks to have a nightmare, much less about something so...precious. Indescribable feelings. Palpitating hearts...fear that consumes...it sucks. Big time.

I'm now going to attempt to revive that author in me, and write out an extract of the latest chapter of what I'm going to write for that Ouran fic I have yet to attend to :X

Darkness. That's all I can see. I hear nothing, except the palpitations of my heart. The silence apart from that is deafening, and I can hardly see the fingers that I stretch out in front of me. I stand up, or at least I think I do. My entire body is numb, I can't feel a single thing. I try calling out, but nothing comes out from my mouth. Panic engulfs my body, and suddenly suffocation sets in...

I've lost it, I swear. It's supposed to be some scene of a nightmare. Gosh, my English's degrading like crap. Shittt...

per[FAC]tion only ends when we say it ends...

Suddenly, life doesn't seem all that screwed after all.

E-LEARNING IS THE <3.

Doesn't change the fact I miss you guys like hell. :(

All of a sudden, I just realised holidays are ending. :X

I hope that doesn't mean end of all that weird mass fac convos that we have.

After all, it is the only thing that we have left to hold onto before we meet again...some time soon...

(It sucks to not be able to tell you how much I miss you.)

It's so funny how feelings for a Youth Council and for the facs spring forth so easily and effortlessly even though SLC ended almost one month ago. Looking back, it really is kind of hard to believe that SLC already ended. From all that had happened this holiday (wait. HOLIDAY?!), I would say that SLC never really ended. And it never will, looking at what's currently happening.

Youth Council E Outing:

Oh hey! :D You know, only 11 of us managed to make it for the outing, and in the end we were chased from the beach 'cos apparently we "can't have BBQ there". Which is pretty nonsensical, honestly. But it's fine really, we still had fun, and thanks to Orionis for organising such a(n) [epic phail] great outing! I can't wait for the time we have the next outing, and all the best to Circini, who is organising the next outing! :D

Special thanks goes out to Afiq, Nicholas, Glenn, Wendelyn, Bibiana, Tim Long, Caroyln, Ariessa and Chuan Yu for making this outing extra special and meaningful! You guys are all missed :X

per[FAC]tion Outing!:

You people rock! There's nothing else I can say, heh. I guess at this point, words, compared to what I feel, mean nothing at all (does this mean I will fail Oral?!). I suppose it's this warm fuzzy feeling I have whenever I think about what we share, and what we are. I'm quite scared of what we will be, 'cos I don't know how much more bonded we will be (: It's almost scary to think about it, though it does give some reassuring feeling :D


Ryo and Nick Chuan's birthday celebration! I am proud that I actually baked a cake (for the first time), and it was cheesecake! OREO CHEESECAKE! :D Haha...even though it did turn out to look like some curry puff (:X), it still tasted great! Thanks to my aunt and Kah How's recipe, of course :D

I really hope this will never end...not now, not ever.

A really really big THANK YOU to Shirley, Alicia, Ming Kang, Dileen, DK, Ryo, Nick Chuan, Nick Kee, Chuan Yu, Kenji, Tim Yap, Crystal, Brenda, Shu Shien, Daniel, Zhi Xian, Yongda, Damian and Wesley for making this such a great outing! :D

"If memories are worth keeping, then you, my friend, are worth a treasure."
-Unknown

What the hell. I miss you guys already :(

It sort of occurred to me yesterday how much 15slc; per[fac]tion! means to me. From AAR to the movie (KENJI AND ROTTEN TOMATOES DIE) to the lunch and dinner, they really meant a lot, more than i had initially imagined.

I thought this would happen sooner or later.

Adapted from Wen Yi's tagboard:

kwangming: heyL, go for it. and ya, believe ;D

This is...suspicious. Wen Yi, care to defend yourself? :D

Beautiful.

Well...it's been approximately 3 days since 15th SLC ended, but I just can't seem to be ready to move on. It's kind of childish to hold on to memories and not want to let them go away, and hope in vain that the very same moment will just replay itself over and over, but then, who says hope will not get us anywhere?

The audacity of hope. I guess that's the defining factor then. Audacity. Dictionary definition would be, in short, shameless boldness. I guess that's just what hope is all about. Holding onto something firmly and not letting go with that lack of shame and apparently baseless boldness that most would perceive as stubbornness. That is hope, and I guess at the end of the day, hope will only sprout forth pain, regret, and yet bittersweet memories of 2nd - 5th June. Hope never meant to kill, it just does...

Whenever I do go for leadership conferences, or other such stuff, I always like to look back and ask myself, "What could I have done better?", "Did I manage to take something away?" or even "How should I have acted to make this better?". It became second nature sooner or later I guess, and introspection soon became part of me.

Yet, looking back at 15th SLC per[fac]tion, I can't help but think that if I were to go back and change what I've done, things might have turned out much differently. Instead of this world of longing and reminiscence, maybe it would have turned out differently. I may not have much to regret or miss, simply because there was nothing to miss, or regret. But I guess this world I'm currently in, the phantasmagoric world where all I can do is replay 15th SLC with my mind's eye (and Facebook and YouTube), would be a much better option.

We've come a long way, that's for sure. No doubt 4 weeks is not enough to be deemed "long" by some, but it's long enough to bring 40 strangers (or less, seeing that some of us pretty much know each other here and there) together into one [FAC]ulty, and bring such oomph and dynamism to the table. This is 15th SLC per[fac]tion, and it will never change...not now, not ever.

When the OT had bowed to us to thank us, it felt as if something just vanished into thin air, ceasing to exist anymore...
When we all did Nobody together as one [FAC]ulty, the emotional attachment and burden that we all knew we would eventually start to carry just started crashing down...
When we watched (only for a short moment), Lyncis' montage, the cruel reality struck - that after that day, 15th SLC would be no more...
When the pizza came, and we attacked it, it hurt to think that this would be one of the last times we all stayed back together just to do this...
When we did Billy Banja, there just was no intention to let go of the others; there was no intention at all to leave...
When we started to disperse, it just seemed like the end...the end of a legacy, the end of such a great [FAC]ulty...

On the bus home, tears blurred my vision, and I simply sat there, waiting for them to fall.
They never did...
Could this mean...
That the legacy will never end...?

This sucks.

POST SLC DEPRESSION SUCKS.

4 months for the OT, 4 weeks for the facilitators, 4 days for the participants. 2nd - 5th June was magical, and for these four days to end almost seems like a part of my life ending. Yeah, I'm not ready to let go of these four days. For the past 15 years, 4 months and 17 days, I have never experienced something quite like this.

Honestly, I feel as if I've been cheated by 14th SLC. Agreed it was great, high and all, but I've never felt this kind of connection so strongly to the event. 15th SLC did not have the rumoured to be "the-deciding-factor" that is the foreign participants to "make SLC high", but guess what? The Grand Finale, the culmination of everything that had happened throughout the past four days, the celebration of the SLC spirit, and the continuation of this event's resounding success, was the most high, the most exciting and definitely the BEST Grand Finale I've ever seen. sorry 14th OT, you just didn't make that great an impact.

[FAC]ulty is, I guess, the thing that changed my life, and my whole 15th SLC experience. Throughout the 4 weeks we were together, we transformed from strangers into - I dare venture to say - one family. What would have happened if SLC was 4 weeks ago would definitely not have had been the same. Facilitators would have been still stuck in their own cliques and schools, and nothing would have been accomplished.

But here we are now, at this juncture of the road. None of us are willing to let go I hope, and really, we don't have to. 15th SLC was a resounding success, and testimony to the per[FAC]tion that we as Facs have managed to upkeep. Well done guys! :D

And of course, my beloved Youth Council E, who can forget you? The many colourful and outstanding personalities, as well as a healthy mix of craziness and seriousness, you guys definitely outshone the other Youth Councils, even if it isn't apparent. And I do mean what I said: YOU GUYS KICKED THEIR ASS!

To Shu Shien - Heyy!!! I was initially very apprehensive when approaching you, since you're the only non-HCI facilitator in YC E (I just realised that :O). But we've pulled through, Circini loves you deeply, and I'll never forget you, not only as a facilitator, but also as a friend that I've met and will treasure. Thanks for everything, and all the best in your future endeavours and your O Levels! :D

To Yan Liang - Hello!!! :D Well...what can I say, really? It's kind of hard to say anything, since we're still going to meet eventually in HC. Nevertheless, I would really like to applaud you for what you've managed to accomplish with Velorum. Velorum, as I can see, has really grown together, and will most likely stay as close friends. And you know what? It wouldn't have been possible without you. Great job! (:

To Chuan Yu - My GOD! I really would like to thank you for everything you've done in and out of SLC. While you are still my HSC Quartermaster, you didn't use it to climb over me during SLC, and I am tremendously grateful for that (even though I most probably wouldn't have minded all that much). You are really an inspiration to Orionis, and I think that for that, you deserve a big round of applause for the work you've done. Cheers! (:

To YC - CONCEPT MEMBER!!!! Before I move on, Alfred demands to you come for training soon, and I mean really soon. Anyway, chairing the meetings weren't easy I'm sure, but you pulled it off aplomb! To YC E, you are THE greatest Concept and OT Member, so kudos to you and good luck for everything else that is going to come up in your life. :D

Special mention shall now go to Pegasi, the faculty I reliefed once, but still made an impact on me:
You guys were a great bunch, and even though it was only for a day, I would still like to thank you guys for everything and making my day as a facilitator a memorable one (:

SLC has ended in HCI, but it shall never end in our hearts.

That is the true spirit of SLC.